A Death in the Family
by Don Ford (Feb. 2007)
I am wading in the lake with my little brother
On impulse, a dare
"Let's see how far out we can go"
I stop
He does not
I shout to a fisherman
He takes me to our cabin, to my mother
My father rushes back up the mountain
from our home in the city
Mother sees golf clubs in the car
"to play golf up here!"
No one talks to me about the drowning
I do not share my guilt for the dare
"Let's see how far out we can go"
Decades later, a counselor
"What, -- no adult has ever talked to you about
your brother's death?"
Don't you know, all children blame themselves
when there is a death in the family?
A parent needs to talk about how the death happened--
explore the child's fears and loss."
Now--my father talks to me
"I chose to leave our family at the cabin so that I could share
our house with a fellow preacher whose wife was ill.
I set rules, boundaries, for the church, for family.
I set the edge for safety or danger.
When I left the cabin I took the boundaries with me
Mother let you and brother go to the lake by yourselves
no one to shout "Come back! that's too far!"
"Father, we are in this together.
Let's see how far out we can go"
