A Death in the Family

by Don Ford (Feb. 2007)

I am wading in the lake with my little brother

On impulse, a dare

"Let's see how far out we can go"

I stop

He does not

I shout to a fisherman

He takes me to our cabin, to my mother

My father rushes back up the mountain

from our home in the city

Mother sees golf clubs in the car

"to play golf up here!"

No one talks to me about the drowning

I do not share my guilt for the dare

"Let's see how far out we can go"

Decades later, a counselor

"What, -- no adult has ever talked to you about

your brother's death?"

Don't you know, all children blame themselves

when there is a death in the family?

A parent needs to talk about how the death happened--

explore the child's fears and loss."

Now--my father talks to me

"I chose to leave our family at the cabin so that I could share

our house with a fellow preacher whose wife was ill.

I set rules, boundaries, for the church, for family.

I set the edge for safety or danger.

When I left the cabin I took the boundaries with me

Mother let you and brother go to the lake by yourselves

no one to shout "Come back! that's too far!"

"Father, we are in this together.

Let's see how far out we can go"